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| I had just started to warm up my frigidly cold bed when their came a faint tapping from the living room. I told myself it was just the heater warming up and nothing more. I lay there hoping for sleep, but the tapping continued gently and erratically. I told myself it was just the blowing wind and nothing more. Still the tapping continued, just as gently, just as erratic, but it echoed so loudly, as I tried to convince myself that I did not have a bold little mouse tapping boldly to and fro across my living room floor. I tried to convince myself that it would just go away and that no mouse would dare cross into my apartment, but the audaucious rodent full of chutzpah continued tapping. I decided action was required, ever so softly slipping out of my bed, listening for the scattering taps signaling the retreat, heartpounding with fright of what I might see, and quietly crossing to the lights that would reveal the little beast. As I turned on the flood lights my quarry was revealed. It was a recently stuck mirror, slowly, losing its hold on the door, gently popping as the tape tore and loosened, just before it crashed to floor. Just this and nothing more. | | |
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It makes me happy to walk into my office everyday and see this just above my desk.
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| My heart broke last night at Walmart.
I heard Christmas music.
I am afraid now to turn on the radio. Why must I endure this torture? | | |
| Little Jr High kids with camera phones are quite funny in their self-absorbed coolness.
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| Been thinking about community. Because of Veterans Day I was able
to travel back to Shawnee this past weekend. It was a grand
weekend despite a self-inflicted sickness, and it was probably
one of the saddest times since graduation. I spent what felt like
the majority of my time in conversation with people who mean a great
deal to me. This was made even better by the fact that I rarely
was in a group larger than three total people. All of you who
know me well should be smiling now, knowing how happy that makes me,
all of you who are not smiling should write that down. It was
incredibly ego-inflating, humiliating, and emotional to talk to my old
professors and listen to their encouragement, advice, and
thoughts. It was so depressing on Sunday to leave Andrews
apartment realzing my community was going to be reduced back to phone
calls when only too little can be shared. Shared time together
and proximity is at the core of having community with people.
During school I had so little to distract myself from other people
except for school work, which I always put off in favor of
people. In Shawnee the only real option for fun was to just hang
out and have fun doing practically nothing, but it was together.
I was scarcely ever more than seven minutes from any friend and it
seemed that someone was always available and willing to not do
homework. Professors were like this to some degree, sharing
their lives through dinners and conversations, and making
me think and feel that life could mean something. Then I move to
Enid and this support system is left behind in Shawnee. I
want so badly to have even a semblance of the community I had.
Then I remember that it took two or three years to have that community
and I have only been in Enid six months, but this is not
encouraging. I am impatient.
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